self-analyzing

A FB friend of mine and fellow writer, John Anthony James (remember that name, he’ll be big in the spec-fiction genre one day), posted an update on Facebook the other day.

He commented how much happier he has been since he stopped self-analyzing. And how he feels he is much more able to ‘just live’.

It really struck a chord with me.

I’m a self-analyzer and navel-gazer from way back. You only have to scour through this blog to see that. But, ever since making the decision to concentrate on writing – both my work in progress, and making my blog more writing focused – I’ve too have noticed a change.

Not only have I been more productive in my writing (I’m 25,000 words into editing my manuscript already), but I’ve also felt…, well…, lighter. It’s the only way to explain it.

I’m enjoying the moments of each day more. I’m less worried about how I feel and less concerned with the latest thing my brain is attempting to contemplate. I’m more focused, more present, and so much more content.

But… (There’s always a but)

I do believe the introspection and self-analysis of the last five years has been integral to me reaching this point.

I needed to reflect and work out who I was. What my values were. Figure out what was important to me. And I needed to reach a point where I felt comfortable in my own skin – or as comfortable as possible. I call it self-therapy. (And a whole lot less expensive than traditional therapy!)

Without this introspection I would never have been able to call myself a writer. I would have never had the confidence to keep writing and pursuing publication. I would never, in a million gazillion years put myself out of my comfort zone and attended a writing masterclass!

As much as I do miss blogging about the thoughts in my head, I know I’ve moved past that point in my life. I’m not naive enough to say I’m now a perfectly sane functioning human, but I’m past the point where I need to know the why of everything. I just want to live.

I’m sure there’ll be the odd moment where I will need to reflect or re-calibrate. Who knows I may reach another existential crisis point in life! But at the moment I’m content. I don’t feel the desire to analyze anything or everything, or even the pull towards constant self-improvement (there’s always room for some self-improvement).

I’m content and I’m writing. And that’s all I really want – the rest is just white noise.